I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
