discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
only you would photoshop your dick
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
