With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
