Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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