Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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