I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
