I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
