He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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