mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
