im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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