he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
