hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
