i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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