Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
