So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
