DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
