if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
