ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
