i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
