there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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