My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm passing your future prison.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
