I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
