i love accidental penises.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
