it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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