Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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