Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
