escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
