my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
