Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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