I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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