I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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