I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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