Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
