dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
