if you like me you must not know who I am
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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