genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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