i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
