he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
