I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We need to get me chipped asap
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
