My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I want her autograph on my taint
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
