she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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