Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
