Where is the hickey?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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