I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
