i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
