Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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