I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
