Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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