Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
