Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
